I can vote !

Yesterday I decided that I was NOT gonna let the upcoming gubernatorial elections pass by without me having my say. For months my mother has been subersively telling me I can't register 'cus I haven't lived here long enough. I knew she was full of shit, I mean, I work in a damn newspaper I ask people who know about these things. The reason she's been trying to get me NOT to vote is that she and all her siblings and relatives are hardline statehooders. Most of my aunts are Rossellistas who will write in the hijoeputa. Mami knows I will probly vote green or orange. But, I'll let you in on a secret; I will cast a vote for Tomas Rivera Shatz. This is one of the most hated statehooders in PR. He's really special. He makes enemies really fast. He was a Rossello's enforcer. Very abusive with his rethoric and demagoguery. After Rossello's fall from grace, he joined forces with the pussy who defeated his jefe in the primaries, Luis "el bisco" Fortuño. The same guy he had demolished verbally when Rossello was his man. Anyway, why would I vote for a statehooding fascist ? Well, back in 1984, I was struggling to pass the 12th grade in el Colegio Santa Cruz in Trujillo Alto. No matter what I tried I couldn't get a passing grade in the accounting class. One F and I would not graduate with my classmates. Here is when my loyalty to Tomas Rivera Shatz was born. You see, back in '84 we knew Tomas as Tomito, Colegio Santa Cruz '84 class president. Tomito's dad was the mayor of Trujillo Alto. The motherfucker always won the ever present political debates in our classes, especially the history class where our former teacher Mr. Toraño, would always instigate a political debate between the pro-independence faction of the class and the statehooders headed by Tommy. Anyway, thanks to his debating prowess and "patea's en el culo" style, he actually talked the accounting teacher, who hated me like poison, into giving me a passing grade. I actually found out about this several years later. So, Tomito, has my vote, and some orange or green party will get the rest of my X's.

Oh yeah, I forgot, it took me all of 4 hours to get my g-damn voting card. My neighbor got to the registration place early, got me a number. I arrived half an hour later. and was ready to wait up to 5 hours. A lucky break came when someone left and dropped his/her number. It was 187. I got it from the lady who picked it up and got out about 1 1/2 hours ahead of time.

I'm voting bitch !